My Ideal

So I have come to realize as of late that as much as I've tried to avoid, I am a silly girl obsessed with love.
I sit alone in my room and wait for someone to come and pull at my heart. To give everything for love as I do. To look and me and want me. To always have passion and understanding.
I'm ready and willing to give it all for love, but I don't think it's going to happen soon.
So I love physics, running, music. Intangables that will never truly love me back, but are so inert that I can pretend....at least for a little while.
I find myself giving up so much as of late....and feeling dreadfully empty as a result. I need to be ok with being alone.
Oh hell
Let's get the shit kicked out of us by love.

Eight Days A Week

So it's been eight days since the end.
I'm still here. I stopped crying so much. I'm sleeping again. I feel reborn. I am getting back motivation. I've crawled out of bed.
Keeping busy is crucial, cause as soon as I stop, I feel it, building up, waiting to explode. panic. pain.
I've got to be confident, strong.
I dreamed about him last night and I woke up happy.
I can't help it.
But Im bragging, I'm always in love, though I sure picked a bad time for being in love. (Wilco/ Jayhawks reference)
Just smiling all the time.

Hurts like hell

The saline solution pours onto my
Gapping wound
Jolting me out of my dull pain into
A stinging reality.
Loyality
Love
Fear
Regret
Ooze out of me as the bubbles burn.
The logic of love
has won again.
Pushing me back into the darkness
To nurse my own
faults
shortcomings
bad traits
God this fucking hurts so much
As a I pray to something
Someone
To make me feel better
Or make me not feel at all.
Will we meet further on?
Talk lightly about the time
that has passed?
Will I even recognize him?
Will I recognize myself?