Revelations
Finals are done.
Break is here. :) *joy* Now I can sleep and function like a somewhat normal human being.
For about three weeks.
Then it starts again.
You know, i know nobody really reads this and it's just some high tech journal for myself.
So I am going to write about my revelation today.
I couldn't sleep this morning after Chris had to leave at 5am to go to Florida for part of the break. I always go through this state of adjustment when we have to be apart. Sleeping alone is very different then knowing someone is there. I used to love being by myself. Now, I hate it. I find myself fearing that he won't come back, that he's gonna figure out that Im not good enough for him. I doubt there is anyone in this world good enough for him.
But back to what I realized today...
I went to the television for comfort this morning. The sounds, the lights block out my thoughts, my fears. Dr. Phil was being interviewed about some book that he just wrote. And he said something that I really thought about, even though I have heard it many times before, I think it finally stuck this time.
He said that men complain that women are always trying to be everything to everyone. I know that I am VERY guilty of this. He also said that it is important for an individual to KNOW who they are and stick to it.
For the past several months, I have been trying to be everything to those close to me. Trying to tell everyone what they wanted to hear. I cannot do this anymore. It has depressed me. I can't stand to spend time with myself because of this, I am afraid.
What I realized today, especially, it just what Chris has meant to me and exactly how I feel. Ever since I met him, he has been on my mind. The past few months, I have worried, about everything working out. About me, about us, about my parents. I know that I can't please everyone. I need to make a stand for myself and what feels right to me.
I have NEVER felt for anyone the way I feel about Chris. It has taken me a long time to discover, admit this. The best part about this is that I'm 99% sure he feels the same way about me. We've hurt each other. He has seen my crazy side, my rawness, my "inner child", my fears, my hopes, my lies, my tears. After all this, he is still here for me.
He is beautiful. He is human. He is a man. and he is my boy.
Break is here. :) *joy* Now I can sleep and function like a somewhat normal human being.
For about three weeks.
Then it starts again.
You know, i know nobody really reads this and it's just some high tech journal for myself.
So I am going to write about my revelation today.
I couldn't sleep this morning after Chris had to leave at 5am to go to Florida for part of the break. I always go through this state of adjustment when we have to be apart. Sleeping alone is very different then knowing someone is there. I used to love being by myself. Now, I hate it. I find myself fearing that he won't come back, that he's gonna figure out that Im not good enough for him. I doubt there is anyone in this world good enough for him.
But back to what I realized today...
I went to the television for comfort this morning. The sounds, the lights block out my thoughts, my fears. Dr. Phil was being interviewed about some book that he just wrote. And he said something that I really thought about, even though I have heard it many times before, I think it finally stuck this time.
He said that men complain that women are always trying to be everything to everyone. I know that I am VERY guilty of this. He also said that it is important for an individual to KNOW who they are and stick to it.
For the past several months, I have been trying to be everything to those close to me. Trying to tell everyone what they wanted to hear. I cannot do this anymore. It has depressed me. I can't stand to spend time with myself because of this, I am afraid.
What I realized today, especially, it just what Chris has meant to me and exactly how I feel. Ever since I met him, he has been on my mind. The past few months, I have worried, about everything working out. About me, about us, about my parents. I know that I can't please everyone. I need to make a stand for myself and what feels right to me.
I have NEVER felt for anyone the way I feel about Chris. It has taken me a long time to discover, admit this. The best part about this is that I'm 99% sure he feels the same way about me. We've hurt each other. He has seen my crazy side, my rawness, my "inner child", my fears, my hopes, my lies, my tears. After all this, he is still here for me.
He is beautiful. He is human. He is a man. and he is my boy.